You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
