Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
