On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
