Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
