He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
