I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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