I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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