Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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