I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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