you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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