I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize