Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
