There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
