Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Randomize
