i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
