eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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