I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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