Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
