I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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