How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
