Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
