im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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