nut hugger
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
sex in a hospital.. check
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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