Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
where am i from again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
