You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
