I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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