WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
