fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
