Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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