I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize