i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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