So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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