I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
