Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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