I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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