You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize