Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
