hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
