Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
