just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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