D3 body, D1 cock
We won't sleep together?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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