I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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