I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
