I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
