He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
