I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so explain again why im purple
no
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
