If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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