I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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