it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
