hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
