God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
someone get that fucking seahorse.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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