Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
