oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
