we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
