either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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