All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
