as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
