As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
