hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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