bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
