I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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