When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
