Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
