she was so not down for the gang bang
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
