I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
