tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
