I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize