Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
