i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
