AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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