Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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