They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
