Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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