I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
