Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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