Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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