we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
