He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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